I'm sure at one time or another we can all relate to the calm after the storm. How amazingly humbling are the struggles! At this particular point in our marriage, the uphill battle had come to an end and we were embracing the calm. It was refreshing to feel. And, I never told my husband that there was a chance that I could be pregnant. I mean with all that was going on in life, we were finally finding ways to show that we loved each other again and able to feel the love. And it was amazing. Not to mention I was on birth control. Which never really means much, because it was only 99.9% effective. We were happier and so was the baby. Not ours, but theirs and she and I slowly became a piece of one another. In the middle of all the adjustments in life his first born child was left in our care for several months and we all learned to cope. So my, I mean our lives altered. The task within itself was pretty large. But that'll be a convo for another blog! So stay tuned,
We embraced every sacrifice every loss, and even a piece of us that we didn't even know we had created. I remember the pain like it just happened yesterday. At that very moment, it was the worst physical pain I'd ever endured. It got worse for me when I found out what had happened. We were laying down watching a movie one night. Out of my husband’s arms, sliding off the side of the couch I fell to my knees moaning from a pain I had never felt and couldn't explain. The pain lasted for a while off and on. Eventually, I drifted to sleep that night after taking pain meds. I assumed from the bleeding it was my period coming on and I have horrible pains during that time of the month. The next morning I went to use the bathroom and there laid pieces of my life that I couldn't save or get back; pieces that I couldn't put back together again. For me that was especially hard because i'm such a control freak. A fixer and this I couldn't fix. David if you're reading this, eat that up; because I'll never admit to being a control freak again. Ha-ha , It was the weirdest thing ever. Scared to call my husband into the bathroom. Scared to flush the toilet, I took pictures to email to my Dr. that haunted me for months.
We had lost our baby! A baby that I felt like I didn't get a fair chance to save, protect or even love until it was too late for all of those things. I teared up for months, every time I scrolled past the pictures on my phone. Thinking I'd be heartless to delete them. I blamed myself, my husband, his daughter and even things that made no sense. By far we weren't looking to have a child, but to know that through birth control, working and everyday life we still managed to conceive only to lose. Those thoughts played with my mind and with my emotions in more ways than I could ever imagine. I was at a loss for words. In fact, some day's I didn't believe it was real. I wasn't sure if I should have told people or admit to it in conversation with my husband. Worst of all, I didn't know if something was wrong with me and If I'd ever carry a healthy baby full term.
Though I felt like I took a lost alone. What I didn't take time to confront is that WE took a loss. That it affected my husband in some of the same ways it affected me, If not worse. He had to be the strong person and hold things in because he didn't want to make it harder for me. In all actuality seeing him in a vulnerable state helped us both. He was able to be human and vent and I was able to share the pain to a person that truly understood because it was his struggle too. We healed together from this. Communication was one of our most effective ways to gain peace of mind. That eventually lead to healing. Our baby isn't only a loss, we gained an angle. Stay strong, find a way to smile and always try again!!!!
1. Know that it's OK to cry. But, remember that you're crying to let out emotions and not to drown in them.
XOXO~ N-Tyese
We embraced every sacrifice every loss, and even a piece of us that we didn't even know we had created. I remember the pain like it just happened yesterday. At that very moment, it was the worst physical pain I'd ever endured. It got worse for me when I found out what had happened. We were laying down watching a movie one night. Out of my husband’s arms, sliding off the side of the couch I fell to my knees moaning from a pain I had never felt and couldn't explain. The pain lasted for a while off and on. Eventually, I drifted to sleep that night after taking pain meds. I assumed from the bleeding it was my period coming on and I have horrible pains during that time of the month. The next morning I went to use the bathroom and there laid pieces of my life that I couldn't save or get back; pieces that I couldn't put back together again. For me that was especially hard because i'm such a control freak. A fixer and this I couldn't fix. David if you're reading this, eat that up; because I'll never admit to being a control freak again. Ha-ha , It was the weirdest thing ever. Scared to call my husband into the bathroom. Scared to flush the toilet, I took pictures to email to my Dr. that haunted me for months.
We had lost our baby! A baby that I felt like I didn't get a fair chance to save, protect or even love until it was too late for all of those things. I teared up for months, every time I scrolled past the pictures on my phone. Thinking I'd be heartless to delete them. I blamed myself, my husband, his daughter and even things that made no sense. By far we weren't looking to have a child, but to know that through birth control, working and everyday life we still managed to conceive only to lose. Those thoughts played with my mind and with my emotions in more ways than I could ever imagine. I was at a loss for words. In fact, some day's I didn't believe it was real. I wasn't sure if I should have told people or admit to it in conversation with my husband. Worst of all, I didn't know if something was wrong with me and If I'd ever carry a healthy baby full term.
Though I felt like I took a lost alone. What I didn't take time to confront is that WE took a loss. That it affected my husband in some of the same ways it affected me, If not worse. He had to be the strong person and hold things in because he didn't want to make it harder for me. In all actuality seeing him in a vulnerable state helped us both. He was able to be human and vent and I was able to share the pain to a person that truly understood because it was his struggle too. We healed together from this. Communication was one of our most effective ways to gain peace of mind. That eventually lead to healing. Our baby isn't only a loss, we gained an angle. Stay strong, find a way to smile and always try again!!!!
1. Know that it's OK to cry. But, remember that you're crying to let out emotions and not to drown in them.
2. Face the pictures. If you have any memories from your pregnancy or the miscarriage, face them and even the feelings that they bring on.
3. Find comfort in your partner & but don't grieve selfishly.
4. Take your time, but set a goal for how long you will allow yourself to grieve.
5. TRY AGAIN!!!! Look forward to the rainbow baby.
XOXO~ N-Tyese
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